Small town girl

    I want to be bold here, I WANT MY ADULT CHILDREN TO REMAIN HAPPY, LOVED, AND SAFE. I LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY WITH ALL OF MYSELF, IF THEY ONLY KNEW…………. Unconditionally.           In addition to this blog, I would like to hear feedback from you, questions, I will take the time to answer. I will not “share” all of the details in this blog post. However, I will answer them personally, if you want to email me @   toni_biberstine@live.com To all the moms, including myself, that know grief, extreme pain, loss, soulless numbing feeling that gnaws at your heart.   Some days are ok, some days are so rough. I can be fine, maybe a song, movie, smell, cooking, breathing, reminds me of them. My babies, all three. Grieving someone alive is so much harder than if they had passed away, and were in heaven with Jesus.   It’s tough. Gut wrenching. Pain. I know I am not alone, and neither are you.     ...

 Our future generation is lost. As I was raised, not one time did I fear my grandparents. However, I did not have to. I HAD RESPECT! No matter what, I took the time, so much time, to listen to their life story. Seriously was my blessing. I held onto every word. The most incredible humans I have ever had to the opportunity to know. I took the time God gave us, and held onto every word, I never wanted to walk away. I set in a trance. the life they lived vs today, I would in a heartbeat, choose theirs.  I was taught to respect my elders, to use my manners, I would never have the audacity to "set rules" for them to be involved in my life. This just is ridiculous! I came from them, generations of them. They raised children, my ancestor's raised children. I remember when I gave birth to my children, if grandma gave me advice vs a doctors, I chose hers. She successfully did this twice herself., Right? Sorry folks, no google, no baby books, or birthing books, no how to raise chil...

We all to often play the "if onlys", instead of having boundaries.  We say unconsciously, "if only I would continue to try harder instead of confronting someone's perfectionistic demands, they will like or love me. If only I would give into their wishes and not make them angry.. giving up boundaries to get love postpones the inevitable,  the realization of the truth about the person, the embracing of the sadness of that truth,  and letting go and moving on with life.  Let go! Face what you will never have from this person, or who this person symbolizes. All of my attempts to preserve this relationship has taken a lot of energy,  effort and opening myself up to a lot of abuse and control.  Letting go is the way to serenity.  Grief is the path. I have to step out in faith, allow God to lead the way. Onto change and growth. Never stop praying for peace and equality. 

 Mini session with Cinderella, fairy dust. Magic

This is a very young version of my life. Christine, Derrek & Cain, my loves. My other half, my best friend, my everything! Every year, minute, moment, our love continues to grow, love this man! Cain's graduation day! Derrek in uniform, and older sister, Christine, isn't she just beautiful. One of my all time favorite pictures of Christine, she is so gorgeous.  This has been a part of my heart going on eight years now. Both of my sons are enlisted in the National Guard, and doing quite well, both Sergeant's. Derrek has one deployment under his belt. Cain has just been accepted into the medevac program, HOORAY CAIN! This is a huge accomplishment. Cain's promotion day with his gorgeous, loving,  wife, Lanette.  The proudest day of Derrek's life, meet his princess, Isabelle Rose. She makes me so happy! She is the cutest..... you know she is. Isabelle loves to go through my purse, she happened to find lipstick ...